Dear Diary: Motherland Return

Hello wonderful Internet Dwellers, I feel as though it's about time for another catch-up, another bout of me letting you know what...


Hello wonderful Internet Dwellers, I feel as though it's about time for another catch-up, another bout of me letting you know what's going on in my life. I'll be honest, not a lot has happened in the couple of months since my last diary entry - now you may be asking why I'm writing this update on my life then? Well, it's not really anything that's happened, it's what's going to be happening in a few days.

I will be returning to England in a matter of days and I'm not sure how to feel. Even as I'm writing this, I've got a plethora of different varying emotions going around my head (as well as feeling slightly sick) - I'm happy, sad, excited, scared, frustrated and anxious to name but a few.

It's been pretty much, but not quite, two years since I last set foot on British soil, and so much has changed. My friends are getting married, getting engaged, getting their first houses and moving out in general - and a lot of this has happened in my absence. It's not just my friends lives that have changed either; I'm not the same girl that left England on October 22nd 2014, I'm anything but.

Now, I'm not going to go on about how much travelling has changed me, because that's not what this post is about.

I think first and foremost I'm afraid, afraid of how people will respond to my return. By no means do I mean to paint myself like a celebrity or anything, I simply mean I'm afraid that I will no longer have a place amongst friends because I have been gone for such a long time. I don't mean that in a way that my friends are horrible, they are far from it, but I've been gone for such a long time that I'm scared I won't fit in anymore.

I know for a fact that at least one of my friends from back home will be reading this post and thinking 'Don't be stupid', but I've always been slightly paranoid about a lot of things, and they know it. I'm sure everything will be okay, but it's just been such a long time since I've seen any of them that I'm just anxious about going back. I don't want to be seen as a pushy person, forcing people to hang out with me when I come back, when everyone has moved on with their lives without me.

My return home will also be a trip to decide what I want to do after Australia. My visa expires in October and I'm tossing up whether to study and get sponsored to stay, or whether to leave, go to New Zealand, and then eventually come back to England. I want to see how I feel coming back, and returning to the British life and lifestyle for a month will either remind me why I left in the first place, or remind me why there is no place like home.

I always say "home" referencing to England, but it has so many different meanings as well like, where you are currently living or where you feel most at home, which doesn't necessarily need to be where you are born. I'm not sure where my home is right now, but I feel I will by the end of my trip.

This post doesn't quite encapsulate all that I am feeling right now but it gives you an idea. I am so excited to go on another adventure, even if it's only for a month, and see where it takes me and how I feel by the end of it.

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