What You Hear In A Coffee Shop

Admittedly, I'm actually not a massive fan of coffee. I used to have my coffee at home with half a teaspoon of granules, a ton of sug...

Admittedly, I'm actually not a massive fan of coffee. I used to have my coffee at home with half a teaspoon of granules, a ton of sugar, and half a cup of milk - my mum always used to say that I may as well just have sugar water with what I was drinking. It never affected me either; I could, and still can, have a coffee at 10PM and go to sleep perfectly fine half an hour later. Caffeine doesn't give me a buzz like it does for other people.

So, ironically, I used to work in a coffee shop. It was interesting, to say the least, and I thought I'd give you a little insight into some of the things that people used to say to me:

"Hi, how are you?"
"I'd like...."
This is a hospitality workers biggest pet peeve; we nicely ask how your day is going and you don't have the courtesy to at least say "I'm fine". We're just trying to be friendly guys, (plus we have to do it, haha) please just be friendly to us too, we're nice people really!

"I'd like a coffee"
No shit, man, you're in a coffee shop! Now tell me what kind of coffee you'd like. Which is sometimes followed by....

"What would you recommend?"
What would I recommend? Are you serious? All coffees are different, all coffees can be tailored to your needs; how the hell would I know if you're lactose intolerant with a sweet tooth for hazelnut?

I'd like a tall decaf lactose free quarter strength caramel latte, please"
Any single coffee order that takes more than 5 seconds to order is the devil. It's even worse when there are a few of these kinds of drinks in one order as well, because you need to repeat that tongue twister back to the customer just to double-check that you haven't messed up their specific, specific, order.

"Do you have <insert specific brand of lactose-free milk>?"
"No, but we have X"
"It's okay, I'll have full cream"
Now this one I do not understand. If you're lactose intolerant/allergic to dairy then surely all lactose-free products would be suitable for you - you definitely wouldn't want a full cream variety. I swear, there's a trend going around where people will have soy or lactose-free just to be fashionable. That may sound a little ignorant but I've heard customers even talk about it, so I'm not just plucking that out of thin air.

"Do you sell coffee"
No. Our brand name has coffee in the title, but we don't actually sell it - we named it that to lure you in!

Do you ever get people asking typical questions in your line of work?

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